Saturday, September 20, 2008


The song "Waiting on the World To Change" came on the radio just now, and I just got to thinking about life and waiting.

It seems like I am always waiting for something to happen or to do things. It's like, "yeah, I"ll do that when I have money", "or I'll do that when the weather is nice again", "I'll do that after I do this". Waiting or procrastinating?

It's odd because a lot of the time I feel like I am waiting for things to happen, things that just never do happen. I wait, and I wait, and then it's just the same. Maybe I just need to find some way to stop waiting and get on with it already. But it's safe here, and it's friendly here (most of the time), and it's predictable here. Right here. Out there though? All of those things fly out of the window. I am opening myself up largely to the possibility of rejection. And I have to be alright with that, and just keep trying, not quit after one person says something like "this is not quite what we are looking for", and keep going. I don't know, it sounds so easy when I type it, but so much harder to just do it. I need to make myself do it.

A "friend" of mine recentely told me that I live in the moment in the future. At the time she said it, I was also all defensive because she was working herself up for an onslaught of insults. But that one thing that she said, I think I get it now. I think she probably meant it in an entirely different way then I've now interpreted, but to be honest, I don't really give a shit what she thinks. At least I'm trying not to.

Anyway, it is easy to make all these grandiose plans in your head, and be like "one day, one day I"m going to do that". Putting off things that you easily be doing right now. And maybe I shouldn't do that, maybe I should try, and I mean really try, to do some of those things. That is all I can take from her rampage.

That being said, who doesn't live in the moment in the future? It's called goals and it's called dreams. Not everyone is afforded the luxury of stopping what they are doing at this exact moment so that they "live in the moment". A lot of the timesit is just about getting by and living life, and that IS living in the moment. Part of me understands what she was saying, part of me doesn't.

The ironic thing about this statement was that it came from a girl, who as I see it, has no business saying it. At all. If anyone is stuck in a hellish circle of nothing ever changing, then it's her.

Anyway, perhaps this all seems like gibberish. But I have to have these little pep talk moments with myself every so often, so I be better at clearing the brush off the path.

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