Monday, August 25, 2008

Let Me Count the Ways...

So, I'm sitting here in my spot downtown. I've realized today that it is not only my spot, there are regulars that come here. I am starting to recognize the faces by the fountains.

Two of these regulars are an elderly woman and a young girl. I like to assume they are grandmother and grandchild.

I have to say, every time I look at them, my heart kind of cracks, with a sense of oh my god, how do I still miss her so much, even after this much time has past?

Every time something good happens to me, I miss her, because I want to share it with her. Every time something bad happens, I want her to be there to say, "it's okay" and then braid my hair.

Her, my grandmother. The lady I will never until my dying day stop missing and admiring.

I guess that is a testament to what kind of lady she was. Beautiful, sassy, intelligent, tough, independent, patient, impatient, funny, loving, giving, classy..I could go on and on. I loved (love) her for being all those things. I miss her for the same reason.

I know, I know, that not everybody gets a grandma like I had. I was oh so lucky. If I turn into half the woman she was, I'll consider myself pretty blessed.

I really wish she knew me now. I really, really do. I wish she could have met the newest members of our family. She would have been so joyful about the whole thing.

Other family members have died, but none have left the ever present (at least somewhere in the back of my mind), gut wrenching, my heart hurts, kind of miss I still feel when I think about her.

It's a testament, I know it's a testament.

God, what a lady she was. My grandma.

But when I see other granddaughters and grandmothers, the ones I know are friends and have that special kind of relationship, I can't help but wallow, just a little bit.

I miss her, I miss her, oh my god, I miss her.

Sunday, August 24, 2008


Long time, no update, I know. Life has become slightly crazy during this month of August...but I hope it will return to normalcy come September. For now, I present...lovely photos. This post will seem random, but I am needing a venue for showing some of my photos, and this seemed just as good as any.


Western New York:

England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales:

The end! Why the weird spacing between some photos? I don't know, I just don't know.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

North Country

Every year, a very good friend of mine invites moi, and two other very good friends of mine up to her cottage for a weekend. It is always lovely, and I appreciate her continued willingness to host us, despite our somewhat destructive tendencies (oops, sorry cooler).

This year though, I have come to realize that a little bit of crazy goes a long way. There's crazy, and then there is Crazy!, and when you are Crazy!(capital C, exclamation mark), you've crossed a line, and probably annoyed 3 people in the process.

So Crazy! might not be joining the rest of us at the cottage next year, and honestly, I'm a-ok with that.

Cause you see. The cottage is about relaxing and chillin. There is nothing else to do there! You have to go with the flow, and know that, for most people, cottage time=time to relax, destress, and to just do whatever they want to do. Making it any more complicated than that is just silly.

Life up there is just slower, people seem to enjoy it more. People wave at every car that passes, regardless if they know the passengers or not. People gather at the dump to watch families of bears scavenge through the garbage, because bears are cool. Wild bears (which I have yet to see at the cottage...maybe next year?) are amazing. And if some old guy with a pipe wants to sit in a lawn chair with his telephoto lens, in anticipation of bear action, then that's cool! It's chill man, it's chill.

Sometimes the cottage life really appeals to me. "I could stay here all summer", I think to myself, "I would just read, and float and swim, and read. Fanfreakingtastic". And it would be. Everything just seems 10 times simpler up there. Maybe it's because the air is crisper and cleaner, but I think it more has to do with every body's attitude-slow it down.

I only get up there one weekend a year, and every year, when the weekend is over, I find myself wishing I was still there. I get back here, and there are cars rushing everywhere, I can't see the stars, I can't hear the lake, and I just can't help but think, "oh, I'd give anything to be back there". It's never long enough, although at points this year it did seem like it was a little too long! I guess that is the way it is with any little vacation or getaway. While you are away, you miss home like crazy, but when you get back, you long for a change of scenery and adventure of some sort. I guess that is just the way it is...for me at least.

And without further adieu, the beauty of our lovely province:

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Weekend of Fun

Last weekend was great. I know, it's Thursday, and I am only now writing about the weekend...but I try. Lord knows where the week goes.

Reason Number One the Weekend Was Great:

I do love Jack Johnson. I first discovered him approximately in....2005, whilst I was in Europe, and I have loved him ever since. Jack has the kind of music that just flows, flows, flows through you body, and gives you a nice, relaxed, mellow kinda feeling. It's lovely. I kind of feel that Jack Johnson's music has contributed somehow to my being very que sera sera about life. It just really mellows you out. Some of the songs are cheesy and simple, but some definitely make you ponder life. Jack Johnson's music IS summer to me. Sitting on a dock, drinking a beer, legs danging in the water. ohhhhh yeah.

Reason Number Two This Weekend Was Great:

Mason Jennings is my new music love. He was at the concert this weekend. Honestly, I didn't notice him at all while he was actually playing, mostly because I was concerned with waiting in the very long porta potty line, but he came back out to do a song with Jack later in the evening, and I thought "damn! I love this boy!". So I've since bought his album, In The Ever, and it is pretty damn great. Kinda Jack Johnsony, but a little more upbeat.

The concert was at Burls Creek Park in Oro, Ontario. It was a great place for a concert....big wide open field, lots of room to spread out blankets and chill. Finding the actual park proved to be slightly difficult, and what was supposed to be a 10 minute drive, turned into an hour drive. Damn you google maps!! Oro is quite possibly the most hilly city I have ever encountered. My new car was like 'ummm where the hellllll are we going?" She was having quite the time chug chug chugging up and down the GRAVEL road google maps had us travelling on. Turn left on Line 8 my ass!

Some of these hills were so steep, you would get to the top and be like "ummmm where did the road go?" Redonk. Even more redonk since we ended up having to go ALL THE WAY back the way we came, up and down those same roads. Initially when we were going the wrong way, (LINE 8 does not lead to Burls Creek Park if anybody was wondering), we ended up on a dead end road. A family was there taking a midday walk. I pulled up and was like "excuse me, but are we near Burls Creek Park?". They all looked completely confused, which is never a good sign, and then the dad was like "ummm you are nowhere near it, it's about 20km down this same road you just came up, then you have to get on the highway, quickly get off the highway, drive across the bridge, and yada yada". Then the teenage son piped up, and was like "damn, you are almost in Moonstone now!". Then they all laughed. So I turned around, and went back the way we came. Funnily enough, approximately 20 other people must have gotten their directions from google maps, because at some point during our trip back down Line 8, a convoy of Jack Johnson fans was driving down the road. People were stopping their cars, yelling out the window "where's Jack???" It was quite ridiculous. Kinda fun though.

When we left the concert and were heading back to the parking lot, we all got the feeling that it was going to take us a little while to leave. TWO AND A HALF HOURS later, we got out of the parking lot. Seriously. They had us trapped in there like cattle. We played many a game, some of which included "would you rather" and the ever popular " that start with a certain letter". It was the longest wait in a parking lot ever! If you ever go to a concert at Burls Creek...don't drive!

All in all, it was a pretty great weekend. It also involved zip lining and tree trekking, but that is another post for another day.
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