Thursday, February 4, 2010

Random Tuesday Thoughts

So...I've been having a week. It's basically been a ball of stress.

I gave my notice at my job the other day. I will no longer be employed here as of the end of February. I cannot do it anymore, I just, I can't.

Even the thought of staying until the end of February is enough to get me hyperventilating.

I don't even know how to explain this without sounding like a complete knob.

All I do all damn day is sit at the computer pretending to look busy. I would venture to say that about 1 hour or less of my work day is spent doing actual work. I can almost feel my brain melting. The thought of coming back here day after day after day makes me want to drive far, far away and never come back. It sucks my will to live. I'm not at all trying to be dramatic, that's just exactly what it feels like. I used to think it was the perfect arrangement because I could just write all day. Except that doesn't happen. I start to write and then someone comes up behind me, I have to minimize the screen, then lose my train of though. This happens like 50times a day due to the fact that my desk faces the entire office. It is just not a conducive situation to writing. As a result of this, I just zone out for 8 hours, then go home, then I hate myself because I am being such an unproductive member of society. And so the cycle goes. This job is going nowhere, and it is going there quickly. The last couple weeks, I can't even go home and write after work because the thought of sitting at the computer for any more time makes me want to go insane. As you would imagine, it's hard to try and be a writer when you spend minimal time writing.

Anyways. So yeah. I hate my job, but now I've quit, and the end of February can't come fast enough. I"m sure many people probably think this is a dumb decision, and maybe it is. But I'm okay with that. I've gone over this and over this in my head, and I'm done. I need to start working on some goals, and nothing is getting accomplished sitting here day after day wishing I was some place else.

So I've been blog absent because my brain is drained.

The highlight of my night last night was watching a documentary on TLC about Conjoined Twins: After the Separation. As interesting as it was, it clearly indicates that I need to get a life. Shake things up.

I'm going away with the girls this weekend, and I cannot even wait. I need to be out of this city, and with my friends and laugh and drink and crawl my way out of this ennui.


Oh, and for anybody who was wondering, those two dogs who were due to be euthanized on Feb 5th are still alive at the moment. The case has blown up, and has now gone to court. It's still not certain if the families are going to get their dogs back. Stupid Ontario government.

So! I am extremely excited about new beginnings at the end of February. I am SO excited to move on and just go for it. I'm sure the rest of this month will fly by (minus the actual daylight hours that just drag by. I can actually hear the minutes ticking one by one). Ahhhh.

Back to regular posting soon when I actually have something interesting to write about!! :)


Laura said...

I am looking up to you right now! i wish I had the courage and sheer guts to just quit my job too!!! i'm literally in the same boat where I basically sit here staring at this screen for 8 hours a day.. maybe doing 2 hour of actual work. We're just not busy anymore and it's been like this for the past year. I loathe getting up every day and dragging my butt here. BUT... and that's a BIG BUT... considering I own a home, car and a horse, I just can't up and quit! It sucks!
Kudos to you for taking that leap though!! I wish you the best of luck in your new beginnings at the end of the month! :)

carissajaded said...

Good for you girl!!!At least you know what you want. There are days when I want to do that, and one of these days i just may!!It'll all work out!!

Candice said...

Dealing with the EXACT SAME THING. And I don't think you're crazy, I'm incredibly impressed!

Meg said...

thank you all for not thinking I'm crazy!!!

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