My last day...

and it's odd, I feel kind of...sad. I guess that is to be expected when any era of your life ends. I've been at this job longer than I've ever been at any job, and I must admit that it has gotten real cozy. So cozy in fact that if I didn't shake myself and move on, I probably would have fallen into some kind of boredom induced coma.

The people that I work with are super and nice and have just been so very lovely for the whole time I've been here, but the work itself? I really need to do something that is not only more challenging, but something that I'm a little more passionate about.

I will not miss the mailman though. No person in the history of my entire life has ever annoyed me as much as that guy. He is seriously ridiculous, and I cannot handle him. Everytime I see him, I am left with a feeling of rage that doesn't go away for about 15 minutes. Even just writing about him makes me agitated. annnnd breathe.

So as much as this is needed, a little bit of fear is creeping in, because what if I fail miserably? I'm totally happy about this decision, but the looming future is a little stressful is all. That being said...I'm totally excited!!!

So I'm off to see my dog buds soon, then I'm going skiing tomorrow, then I'm leaving for Florida on Monday night. Florida will basically be a working vacation, and honestly, work will probably be necessary to fill the time. Because I'm not entirely sure what there is to do in Florida beside sit on the beach for extended periods of time. Which is fine...I'll just be doing that like a total nerd with my laptop. As long as there is no snow, I will be happy as can be.

Annnd, I will be able to start actually posting more regularly. Change...it's a comin.

Random Wednesday Thoughts

-Okay, I've noticed a disturbing trend lately, and it is causing me to freak the eff out. I am in no way prepared for this. You see, lately, I've noticed an influx of grey hair. Maybe influx isn't quite the right word, but I've noticed, well, noticeable grey hair. I am in no way old enough for this to be happening! I mentioned this to my cousin who is a nurse, and she was all glib, "oh, mid 20s is when a lot of people start going grey!" I don't think so Tim. Does anyone else have this issue? Is this perhaps a sign that I need to not be such a spaz/worrywart? I got nothing.

-I was watching American Idol last night, and I have to say, I felt like a complete asshole. I never realized how cruel it was before. Everybody's always like, "oh my gosh, the people that try out for these shows need better friends, because nobody told them they suck!". I used to agree with this state of mind, but I got to thinking this morning. I know there are some people that go on there and want to be on tv, and don't really care if they make an ass out of themselves, and that's fine, and maybe in that case we are laughing with them. But there are those people that really, really think they are great. It's their dream, it's their life. Maybe the friends of these people don't tell them they suck, because who wants to be the person who crushes a friends dream? Best to leave that to the professionals. What if the person really, truly thought American Idol was their shot, and one of their friends was like, "dude, you suck ass. Seriously. This dream you have...it's going nowhere". It's hard all around. Anyway, I can't watch this show anymore, because I inevitably find myself laughing when people suck, and that makes me feel like a huge douche canoe.

-There was an article in the paper today about a man that got mauled by his pet tiger in Ontario somewhere. And while that in and of itself is not really funny, because you know, death, is it really shocking? Is it not just a teensy bit ironic? Like what other outcome was there to this situation? Why do you have pet lions, pet tigers and pet cougars you keep in a barn? Why? To top it all off, the article had quite possible the best picture I have seen in a newspaper in a while. Now would have been a good time to put said photo, but I can't find it anywhere. It was basically a photo of a cop standing by his car, and in the background of the photo is a large barn, and in the window of the barn, is a HUGE Siberian Tiger, glaring at the camera. Photographic gold. It's a lot less entertaining when I describe it. Anyway, I think you need to be seriously unbalanced to somehow decide that it would be a great idea to set up a makeshift Tiger enclosure in your backyard. If the Hangover has taught us anything, it's that this will never turn out well.

-I had a phone interview for a writing job last night, which when I think of it now, is kind of weird. Never in my life have I had an interview for a writing job...usually I just send my portfolio + query and hope for the best. I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I hate talking on the phone, a lot. I don't mind quick phone calls that serve a purpose, but I hate droning on and on, and having to come up with things to say. There is always awkward pauses. Anyways. I can do perfectly fine in in person interviews, and actually usually come off much more competent than I may actually be, but on the phone, I found myself ending sentences with "soooo yeah." Oh my god. I am usually a fairly awkward person, but during that phone interview, I turned into the most awkward person alive. I don't even know what I was saying half the time. Needless to say, my hopes aren't high. I know I could do the job perfectly fine, exceedingly well even, but my sounding like a complete dork might have sealed the deal with a resounding "not so much".

That is all. Happy Wednesday!

Random Hump Day Thoughts

Oh "hump day"...that phrase brought me back to high school!

I don't have it in me today to make one post about one particular topic, so I think I'll go for more of a random thought type of deal. Go with the flow, see where it leads me kind of thing.

I'm not going to lie, I spend 90% of my day fantasizing about either travelling or opening my own animal sanctuary. I just become increasingly bitter every day though, because I snap back to reality, and hey! I'm still here.

Trying to be a writer is brutal. I have enough rejection letters to wallpaper an entire room. It is so frustrating, some times I just want to be like, "screw it!", but then I think of my job, want to poke my eye out, and my resolve comes back.

The other day I went to the dentist, and this was the first time in three years that I had been. I have no dental coverage, don't judge me! Anyway, apparently I grind my teeth at night and now I need to wear a mouth guard at night. Attractive! I've only had it one day, and I hate the thing. But grinding my teeth while I'm sleeping? GROSS. I disgust myself. Apparently, grinding your teeth at night is an indication of stress, but I can't imagine what it is I'm str...orrrr maybe, it might have something to do with not knowing where the hell my life is going. Oh quarter life crisis, I want to punch you in the knee.

In an effort to make up for the extreme boriness of my daylight hours, I tend to try and find the most random things to do at night/on the weekend. Seriously, anything at all will do, as long as it's new. Extra points if I get to travel somewhere (anywhere). This past weekend, I dragged two of my friends to the World Championship of Rock, Paper, Scissors in Toronto. It was ridiculous. Like, I can barely put it into words, so perhaps I'll post pictures tomorrow.

I am trying to get one of my friends to go skeet shooting with me, but NO ONE will go for it. Seriously, anything random with the potential to be fun, sign me up!! Finding random and fun things to do in the Niagara area is kind of hard sometimes because for the most part, there is not a lot of stuff happening. But I found a nearby place to go skeet shooting, and nobody is sharing in my excitement.

Last week I made it my goal to get the autographs of all my favourite childhood stars (Fred Penner, Jeff from Today's Special, Jodie from Today's Special...), why, you ask? Because sometimes, at work, I am just that bored. Plus, having Fred Penner's john henry would be sweet. You better believe I would frame that and hang it on my wall. Anyways, so I was randomly googling "Jodie from Today's Special", whose actual name is Nerene Virgin, and it turns out she is a politician now. It also turns out she is on Facebook. So I randomly added her as a friend, and she accepted. Bwahahaha, Jodie from Today's Special is my friend on facebook. Is it wrong that this makes me so happy? Now I need to figure out the least creepy way to ask her for her autograph, preferably on a picture of her in the pink suit from Today's Special.

Last night, I went to see A Christmas Carol, the 3D version. Has anyone seen this?? I found it very....odd. I thought the setting was done very cool, London looked amazing!! It was some super cool animation. The story? You can't go wrong with the story, it's classic. However, this version was just...odd. First off, there are numerous parts in the movie that are scary. I'm talking oh shit, something just popped out and now I'm choking on popcorn scary. I hate scary movies with a passion, but I really wasn't going into A Christmas Carol expecting to jump out of my seat several times. I DO get easily startled, but this seemed excessive, especially for a movie that seems like it's meant for children. More importantly! What the shit was up with the Ghost of Christmas Past? The head twitch? The bizarre Irish accent? The eyes?? I couldn't concentrate during that entire part of the movie because the Ghost of Christmas Past was such a messed up mofo. Also...whoever made the decision to make the animated characters look a lot like their real life counterparts...wrong choice! It was creepy.

Now, I love Christmas movies as much as the next person, but if you are going to watch A Christmas Carol, stick with the Muppet version! Speaking of Christmas...there is no holiday I like better than Christmas. I am all for tacky decorations, cheer, wrapping presents, Christmas music, family and baking. I try to watch one Christmas movie a week up until Christmas Day to increasingly up my Christmas cheer. Up this week: Prancer. Also, we have one of those miniature Dickens villages, and I LOVE it. I am obsessed with it. Every year, new pieces are added, and I take hours setting it up and making sure everything/body is in a sensical position. We have a train that moves. We have a tunnel. We have a hoopa. If I could Honey I Shrunk Myself into that village, I would do so in a heart beat. I will post pictures of this years village once it gets set up. I cannot wait.

Wow, I was kind of in a bad mood at the beginning of this, but talk of the Christmas Village has made me merry!!



Okay, we are nowhere near this intensity. Yet. If I found a roller coaster and a ferris wheel to go in my village (and an extra room to house the entire thing in) I would die a happy woman.

Anyways, Happy Hump Day!

On the time I almost got fired...

As I have alluded to before, I have had many jobs in my day. Flipping burgers, folding clothes, serving tables...basically, you name it, I've probably done it. But I have never actually gotten fired from any of these jobs...I did however come close one time.

I was working in a photo studio. Initially when I started the job, I was like, this is going to be great, I get to use a camera, do some editing, which no. The only part of that thought that was true was, I get to use a camera. I did not take into consideration the camera breaking constantly, crying children, posing giant groups of people in a small studio, crazy parents and ummm crying children, oh and the whole trying to make children smile thing. I refused, like absolutely refused to do anything stupid to make a child smile. Like, I would pop out from behind the camera and play peek a boo, but that was pretty much my limit. Some of my co-workers would go in the studio and just go insane and be like, "lookie here, here's a puppet!! smile!!! here's a dog!! cootchie cootchie!!" all while jumping all over the place. To that I said, no thanks.

You may say that was part of my job, and I would probably say, you're right, but for the 8 dollars an hour I was getting, I sure wasn't willing to make an ass of myself. Most of the time I would tell the parents, "if you want your kid to laugh, you are going to have to go behind me and do something funny" because a) I've never met your child before and I have no idea what they find funny, and b) I really don't want to appear creepy. Most of them complied.

The props we had at this photo studio were hilarious. Giant bears, giant flowers, all sorts of randomness. On my very last day of work one of my coworkers and I got out every single prop, pulled down the christmas background, and set the timer on the camera and posed it up. Those pictures still make me laugh hysterically. Our friend in the photo lab developed them, and nobody was any the wiser.

I digress.

It wasn't all children whose photos I took. Sometimes it was awkward teenagers, and sometimes it was just awkward people. One time I took a photo of a man and his fiance, and the man had a huge growth covering one half of his face. As I was snapping pictures he said, "every time I look at a photo of myself, a bit of my soul dies", and I was just kind of like, I am so not equipped to be handling this. Do I smile sympathetically, do I...what do I do??

Another time an old man came in with his daughters and his grandson to get their picture taken. I sat gramps on the stool in the middle. He was sitting there, legs apart, waiting for the camera to roll, hanging out. Literally. He had a huge hole in his pants and his penis was actually hanging out. Neither of his daughters noticed, and I was suddenly in an insanely awkward position. If the earth could have swallowed me up at that very moment, I probably would not have minded. Why, why did the man have a hole in his pants and no underwear? How could nobody notice this? Why was I suddenly the one who had to alert his daughters to this unfortunate incident? I'm pretty sure my face was bright red, and I was just like, "ermmmm, ummmm, ermm" gesturing towards the old man's crotch. The daughters eventually saw and obviously were extremely embarrassed. They started fighting about who was supposed to dress dad. I also need to add that grandpa had no idea what was going on the entire time. One of the daughters finally just decided that they would pose the grandson in between grandpas legs. Luckily this kid was little and will probably have no memory of this, otherwise it would likely scar him for life. I took those photos so fast, jumped up from the camera and was like, "ok, let's do this!". I am retroactively mortified when I think of that moment.

ANYWAY! So the time I almost got fired. One of the hardest parts of this job was not hysterically laughing when a photo popped up on the screen and the person just had a horrible look on their face; their eyes would be closed, smile would be dumb, something. You know the type of picture I'm talking about. I never quite mastered how to stifle this laughter, and on more than on occasion, I literally sat at the editing table with the family whose photos I had just taken, and laughed until tears were streaming down my face because of the way one of them looked. It was entirely inappropriate, but I seemed to have no control over it.

One day one of my coworkers and I decided we would go through all the old photos and pick out the worst ones and make a book. We entitled this project, "Ugly Baby Book". Personally, I found this hilarious. It wasn't really that the babies were ugly, it was just the facial expressions. Anyways. This took place over several weeks. One day my boss found a copy of one of the photos in the garbage. She was like, "why did you order this?" Me "Ummmm"...I figured there was no point in lying, because I am one of the world's worst liars, so I just told her "I was making an ugly baby book". Her face actually twitched and I could tell she wanted to laugh, but at the same time she wanted to kill me. I got a warning, and she didn't speak to me for two weeks.

I still have the book. I must say, it's just as hilarious now. Totally would have been worth getting fired over. I quit about a month after this incident, because I just couldn't take it anymore. But looking back, it was an interesting 8 months.

Job Shark

I have had so many jobs in my life, that I sometimes feel like I’ve have lived a hundred times over. How have I possibly fit so many different, ridiculous jobs into my 25 years of life, of which I have only been working for 10? It seems kind of crazy. I know part of it is my absolute inability to stay at any given job for any longer than 1 year due to the fact that I just get bored and quit. Work has never seemed fun for me; it was always just something to do, so that I can do what I really want to do. Travel and write.

My first job was at a fast food restaurant, and I hated it. I had to wear an ugly ass purple uniform, complete with a hat, and I came home smelling of grease every day. I had to work the morning shift every Saturday and Sunday, so that job pretty much ate up my weekend. This job was my first real experience with people being absolute assholes for no apparent reason. I quit shortly after the day a guy yelled at me for putting a wrong ingredient on his hamburger. Honestly, if you get that worked up over a hamburger, something is not right in your head. That’s what I wanted to shout at the guy too, “It’s. Just. A. Hamburger!!” Of course I didn’t, because I was young and intimidated by the crazy guy yelling at me over mustard, but I think if it happened to me now, the guy would be getting a smack down. I lasted at this job for 10 months.

My next job was at Wal-Mart. It is probably unsurprising that I hated this one too. The uniform was equally as repulsive, maybe even more so. This job solidified a lifelong hatred of Wal-Mart for me.

The next job I had was working for the city. I spend my summer cutting grass, and painting doing other random odd jobs. I kind of loved it. I got to be outside, and everybody else that worked there was around my age (with the exception of the team leaders). We had a blast that summer. We would cut the grass, and then play baseball. Or we would fix the buoys in the lake, and then go boating for the rest of the day. To this day, tt was probably the greatest job I ever had. It only lasted for the summer though, and then I was back to school.

The next summer, I went back to work for the city, but I agreed to do a different job. Looking back on it now, it was clearly the wrong choice, but I agreed because it meant going in an hour later. My job this time was to count trees, and look for any potential signs of disease. This might seem interesting, but it wasn’t. We had to look at every city owned tree in the entire city. That’s a lotta trees. We got to type all the info into little palm pilots, and by the end of the summer, I was so bored with the whole thing, I would type stuff like “there’s a fungus among us” if I saw a diseased tree. Note to city: get students who actually know stuff about trees to perform tasks of this nature!

My next job was at a Sprout restaurant. I didn’t really mind this job at all. The people I worked with were great, and the food was amazing. This too eventually became boring though, despite the fact that we would routinely have dance parties at work. One day, I accidentally cut off part of my finger with some scissors, proving to myself that me and the restaurant business just weren’t meant to be.

Next job was a portrait studio. I had my moments with this job. Sometimes I loved it (like on pet day, or when the children were too young too speak). It is easy enough to make a baby smile…just play a little peek a boo behind the camera and you are good to go. Once they got older than two though, it was very trying. I am not the kind of person that is going to act all ridiculous just to get a child that doesn’t know me to smile. I usually left that up to the parents. Because a) I wasn’t getting paid nearly enough to make a complete ass of my self, and b) the child has no idea who I am, and would probably be more inclined to smile at their parents. This job lasted about eight months.

The next job after this was a front desk of a hotel. I almost forgot about this one. But I hated it. I realized after this job, that I usually ended up hating a job a whole lot more if I had to wear a uniform. It’s like, okay, not only am I taking crap from everybody that comes in here, but I have to do so while wearing an ugly ass uniform. NO THANKS. My best memory of this job was when someone else my age actually worked there, and there happened to be one shift where it was just the two of us working. Some guy gave us a bottle of wine he picked up at a local winery, and so we drank it, while cranking the radio and dancing. It is probably important to note that this hotel was not busy, and we spent most of our time sitting around doing nothing anyway. Wine and music just made the time past more quickly.

My next two jobs I loved, but they were contracts, so they eventually came to an end. I can’t dwell on them too long (it was for the same company and working with the same people, I just ended up getting two different contracts one after the other) as it still depresses me a bit that I don’t still work there.

So you see, the idea of a “career” in the traditional sense has always scared me. I think I would rather poke out my eye then spend 30ish years doing the same thing. I guess it’s possible though, that I just haven’t found the right job yet.